I have been painting the banister, trim, and risers for our front hall. I think it turned out pretty nice.

Looking at it now, it doesn’t look like much. Why did it take me two months? We started the week after Christmas, sanding the current coat off. Then when Ryan went back to work, I spent two or three weeks painting coat after coat of pre-stain and stain and dark-colored poly. Then I took a week or two off. Then I cleaned and taped again and painted the risers, the trim, and all the spindles.

I worked when Paul was sleeping and he doesn’t nap anymore, so just at night. I discovered I could only paint for two hours at a time before I started feeling I was going crazy. Lots of bending over for this job.

At any rate, I can’t find a before picture to show you how much nicer our home looks. When we moved in, our wood floors were all light, pine colored wood. We wanted them dark mahogany so before we even moved in, we had the floors done. The banister remained the light colored pine, and it took us a year to get around to doing it! Here’s the newly finished floors, not finished banister (i.e., how it’s been for a year).

Although it does look like an amateur did this, I do feel very good about how I did it all myself (mostly)! I really do want to do all the rest of the trim in the house because it gives ti a newly finished look and feel. I’m just not sure when I’ll have the energy to bend over so much again!

(1) When people ask me “How are you doing?” they are not hoping to hear potty training updates.

(2) I’ve become obsessive-compulsive about making sure the sippy cup lid matches the sippy cup.

(3) Cleaning toilets doesn’t bother me much anymore, but I still don’t like scrubbing the shower.

(4) Relief Society, while it is not my beloved primary, isn’t all that bad. In fact, I think I like being there each Sunday!

It’s hard to start something up again after such a long break. I have nine months of family pictures that need to be stored in this online journal. They are just sitting there on my hard drive, waiting to be put in chronological order. Plus, things have been happening! My baby is almost two and a half. He’s talking in complete sentences, most of the time. He says the most adorable things. He looks adorable, and he’s in this perfect in-between stage that makes staying home with him a delight.

True, Paul is a joy. The majority of the time, he is pleasant and laughing. Sometimes, he screams and throws a tantrum (especially on the increasingly frequent no nap days). It doesn’t bother me now, at this stage. I can understand what he says, and I know what he wants: I just can’t always give him what he wants.  This is so much better than the 18-month-old stage, when he screamed and I had no idea why.

So, why am I visiting this neglected blog once again tonight? Well, Ryan is stuck in Manhattan for the second unplanned night, thanks to NYC’s huge snow storm (20.9 inches in Central Park in the last two days). Yesterday, his afternoon flight was canceled. He changed his flight to this afternoon. This morning, that was canceled. He changed his flight to tomorrow morning. Do you see a pattern here?

(To keep things in perspective, this is only the second time in his nine and a half years of 85% traveling that he has been literally unable to get a flight home from where he is. The other time was 9/11. He was in the air and the plane was landed in Ohio. He rented a car and drove back to Chicago.)

But this weekend’s snowstorm is only the icing on the “we’re sick of this” cake. Ryan had told his boss earlier in the week that he is actively looking for a job. No, he didn’t quit, but he was explaining that there was a reason he did not want to stay in NYC on Friday, as they wanted him to. At any rate, the fact that he’s stuck there, and has to return again on Monday, really and truly sucks. Sorry for the strong language. It does.

We’ve been pondering and searching for another job since we returned to the USA in August 2008. Ryan had some promising interviews that fall, but nothing panned out. (Maybe you recall, but that was the fall that the economy suddenly tanked.) In 2009, Ryan kept looking. Then, this month and last, he’s been working on it in all his free time. It definitely time. For example, Saturday, he was up before dawn, searching and applying for jobs until after 8 p.m. I only wish there was something I could do to help. There have been some leads, so we’re hopeful something will pan out soon. But we’d appreciate any extra prayers that you can send our way.

I have cleaned the bathrooms. I’ve vacuumed and swept the floors. Maybe getting the house ready will speed my husband home!

I called this post “silence” because that is how I feel about my daily life sometimes, and that is why this blog has been silent for so many months. Most days, I go see my friends or they come here for play dates. And this morning my friend was kind enough to step up as a last minute babysitter so I could still go spend my two hours volunteering at the library. How I love that time of talking to adults! Every morning and every evening, I also talk to Ryan. I do get much-needed socialization in person. In fact, it’s just the right amount of out of the house time: I’m naturally an introvert so it becomes exhausting to me. I think two book clubs and a few plays dates a week is enough for me.

But I also spend some time most days responding and discussing books with other readers online via my book blog. That life is a complete non-baby life, and it really helps save my sanity: I know I can finish the day with some thought that doesn’t revolve around best potty training methods. (I guess that’s why I haven’t been blogging on this site: blogging four or five times a week at my books site is time-consuming enough, and this site would only be about more potty training pleas for help).

But the bottom line is, at the end of the day, our home is silent. The floorboards creak, the furnace turns on, my son mumbles in his sleep. But the main sound is silence.

This is why I’m praying that my husband can come home, and stay home. I long for his snores once the silence of night sets in. The silence is getting a bit loud.

Given Paul’s interest in Baby Doll’s toilet training, I’m considering beginning his own toilet training come the first of February. But I’d love to know your ideas for helping it go well. No promises I’ll try your method, but please share away!

Of course, that would assume there are people still reading my bog after months of silence. If not, I understand. My life is only so interesting, as this post demonstrates.

A friend in my ward had her baby last week, so I offered to take them dinner last night. She lives on the other side of the ward, so she’s 15-20 minutes away, but I figured I’d get there before 5 and be home long before 5:30 so we could eat our own dinner.

Paul is a great sport in the car — he loves looking for buses and trucks and cars in general. But I hadn’t remembered that we’d be driving through down town Algonquin at rush hour. We ended up not leaving until about 4:40, and so by the time we were driving through down town again, dinner delivered, it was long after 5:30. I was tired of sitting in traffic, and I was starting to get hungry. I kept thinking of the two-year-old still strapped in the back seat. (He often says, “Stuck! Stuck!” as we drive and he tries to squirm, so I know he doesn’t like the car seat part of driving.)

I clutched the wheel tighter and stared at tail lights. I’m sure my frustration was in my voice.

“A few more minutes, Paul! Everyone’s going home right now, so there are lots of cars. We’ll be home soon.”

As I simmered in frustration, staring at tail lights in yet another backed-up stop light, I heard a little sing-song voice from the back seat. I turned to see Paul looking out the window, rocking his head back and forth. He was singing with unintelligible words, but the up and down sounds were familiar and his hands were signing “waiting.” Paul was singing the waiting song!

When his food isn’t ready and he’s hungry, when Mommy’s trying to get the laundry moved before we go to the store and he’s impatient to go now, and any other time that I need him to wait, I sing the waiting song in a  little sing-song voice:

“Waiting! Waiting! Little Paul is waiting! Waiting! Waiting! Paul knows how to wait! Paul knows how to wait!”

Now, here he was, sitting in (what I’m sure is a very uncomfortable) car seat for an hour, waiting for his dinner, and he initiated the Waiting Song.

Sure enough, he has the words. He has a song. Little Paul can wait!

Can Mommy?

I really consider this blog and Paul’s blog very low priority. They are our scrapbooks, and you know how scrapbooks get pushed down to last place.

Paul hasn’t been napping as regularly lately, and when I put him in bed at night, I seriously don’t feel like sorting through two months of old pictures, trying to find something that I can reformat for the web. I find my daily life rather boring, so I’d rather not write up how boring it is for the web.

Once night is here, I’d rather read a book or blog about the books I’ve read.

The more I think about how many pictures I “need” to post on here, the less likely I’m going to do it. So I’m just stepping back, and when I feel like it, I’ll get to it. I do want the pictures up here for future reference!

Something to Ponder

Today I was standing in line at the supermarket when a magazine cover caught me eye. The main headline said

WALK IT OFF! Lose 2 lbs this month

Underneath that was a picture of a large cake covered with M&Ms with the sub-headline that said

Make an M&M Pumpkin Cake! Details page ___!

Now, I’ve never been on a diet and I’m also not much of a fan of candy anyway so maybe it’s just easy for me to say, but seriously: you have to agree there is something wrong with our priorities, when those are the two headlines on a woman’s family magazine. I suspect not eating an M&M pumpkin cake is probably the best thing you can do for your health this month, no matter how much you go walking!

Just a thought.

I sang and rocked my 2-year-old “I Am a Child of God” again tonight. He “sang” along with me.

I certainly hope that I’m that “parent kind and dear” we’re singing about! What a precious moment!

Two years ago, I awoke at 3 a.m. with the realization that my three-day overdue baby was finally going to come. At 3:13 p.m., he arrived, 3116 grams and squirmy and blue, eyes open, trying to see the world.

His eyes are still open as he tries to understand everything about the world around him. And now he squirms out of my arms to run play. “Play!” is his first word every morning when I go in to greet him.

Has it really been two years? I love that little boy, even though sometimes I’m impatient. I love the precious moments I get to spend with him as a stay-at-home mom.

I’ve thought a lot lately about the day he was born and the early days of his life. I was so overwhelmed with the sense of responsibility: this is a child of God! God entrusted him to me! And yet, my birth experience taught me that I can be a mother, that I am what he needs on earth.

As I think about this blog, I realized it is the posts on motherhood that I enjoy the most.

I am so grateful to be a mother!

I have the best husband in the world because he watched Paul tonight while I went to the general Relief Society dinner and meeting (it took six hours)!

“You know you could watch it at home,” he said as I got ready. I eyed the wide-screen TV and the leather couch. But I had decided to go last week, and since I was picking up a friend and our visiting teaching sisters, I had no choice at that point but to go.

Just after 4, I slipped out. I picked up three friends on the way, and by 5:20 we were at the Stake Center. The long drive went quickly because I was with my ward sisters, sisters that I hadn’t known very well. It was fun to get to know them.

The Mexican Fiesta dinner was lots of fun with the entire stake. I even saw a sister from the ward I was in when I was first married. She was shocked to learn that my baby is almost two years old.

Although I don’t like big social gatherings, this was just my type of gathering because I sat by a few sisters during dinner and had real conversations. (”Real” meaning they were about things other than airplanes and choo choo trains.) I practiced my Spanish (5 years rusty) with a sister in my ward that I’d never spoken to before.

At quarter to seven, we headed to the chapel to watch the broadcast together. There were more people than they anticipated: every bench was packed with sisters. The stake presidency hurried to set up chairs in the Relief Society room too to give more seating space. Our bench remained packed. I felt like a sardine. We joked as we kept bumping each other, trying to get comfortable.

But then the Stake President stood at the podium and mentioned a few spiritual thoughts as the image of the meeting in the Conference Center came in to focus behind him. Suddenly realized that I was about to hear the prophet! Or would it be President Eyring, whom I love? Or maybe President Uchtdorf who just puts things into such clear terms? I didn’t care, but I was suddenly eager to hear it all.

The music started and the meeting began. It felt so good. Sister Beck talked about the importance of visiting teaching, how it’s “more than just a visit,” and I thought of the sister at my side. It’s true, I thought: visiting teaching is a job that is never “done.” While we may not ever be best friends, there’s something to be said for (1) a one-hour-each-way drive to the stake center and (2) sitting like sardines in a chapel listening to our leaders. We were becoming closer. It was something good.

Later, Sister Thompson talked about focusing on not just knowing but truly accepting that I am a daughter of God. Accepting that makes all the difference, she said, her voice breaking. What a testimony that is, coming from a sister whose dreams didn’t turn out as she wanted them. Will any of ours? Will it matter if they don’t?

And then we sang. As we stood, shoulder to shoulder in crowded rows of sisterhood, our voices in the chapel joined together in a testimony to God:

The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose
I will not, I will not desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no, never, no, never forsake,
I’ll never, no, never, no, never forsake.

Is there a reason we are to gather together as Relief Society sisters for such a meeting?

Tonight was a testimony to me that there is always a reason. Not only “Charity never faileth” but sisterhood strengthens faith.

I am so grateful I took six hours today to go to the Stake Center and be spiritually feed by the spirit with my Relief Society sisters at my side!

Where did you watch the Relief Society broadcast? Who was at your side?

I still haven’t received any of the digital family pictures from my brother’s wedding, nor the two actually in-focus digital pictures from my in-laws from our time in Utah, so I don’t have any pictures to share with you.

But I have a cute story for you!

Starting in early July, I began reading Paul The Book of Mormon as we ate breakfast. We read about five verses a day. My brother and his wife were my inspiration, since I know they started reading The Book of Mormon to Daniel when he was quite young.

Now it is September, and we are still in 1 Nephi. Ah well. The most important thing is that Paul loves it.

If don’t get the book down, he points at it and calls out “Book! Book!” I get it down and we sing “Book of Mormon Stories” together (and lately “Nephi’s Courage,” as well, since Nephi is building a boat and all). Then I read a few verses while Paul finishes up his oatmeal.

Some days, especially at the beginning, he’d talk over me. Now he listens.

This week, we entered a new stage. We were eating lunch together (not breakfast, lunch) and he pointed to the bookshelf. “Book! Book!” and he started trying to sing “Book of Mormon Stories.” I read him five verses, and he called out “More! More!” So I finished the chapter.Today at breakfast, he also kept saying “More! More!” Five verses is no longer enough.

He’s young. My guess is he isn’t “learning” anything, other than that we love The Book of Mormon. And isn’t that way we do this?

I got a catalog in the mail from the church today. I noticed something: The Gospel Principles book is to be the Priesthood/Relief Society manual for the next two years. What a wonderful way to remind us that Sunday church meetings really is about being reminded of the basics!

I was excited, until I realized that, by being in Primary, I’ll never get those lessons. Ah, well.