Rebecca's Webpage

Hi. I am a Binkie Addict. I’ve been binkie free now for five days and five nights now, and it’s still rather painful. Here’s my story.

Mommy and Daddy brought the binkie addiction to my attention on Sunday night, after I played with my binkie in the middle of a fireside at church and wouldn’t put it away. I resisted the title of “binkie addict” and I cried when Mommy said it was about time I stopped using the binkie. I kept my binkie that night and didn’t let go of it.

In the morning, Mommy told me it was time to stop using because I’m a big boy now and should not continue to cater to this addiction. She gave me the responsibility to throw my two binkies away when I felt I was ready to be a big boy. She said when I did, we’d call Grandma Peggy and tell her that I’m a big boy. I thought about it for a few minutes and decided that yes, I wanted to be a big boy, and I wanted to tell Grandma Peggy I was a big boy. I threw away both of my binkies.

Mommy was really excited. Apparently, it was only 7:30 a.m. and she didn’t think I’d be so eager to be a big boy so early in the morning! She didn’t realize that that is the easiest time to be a big boy. I’m awake and happy, and I certainly don’t feel a binkie craving when I’m happy. I don’t need my binkie when I’m not tired. I watched Mommy take out all the garbage in the house and I stood by the window for a while, hoping that the garbage man would come so I could see his truck. (He didn’t come.) We had to wait another hour or so to call Grandma because it was just too early still. I was excited and couldn’t wait to tell Grandma my big boy news. She was excited for me too.

I had a fun morning playing with toys. But I bumped my head on something about 10:30 and that’s when I realized what being a big boy meant: I asked Mommy if I could have my binkie, and she said there was no more binkie. Wow, that was hard.

At about 1 or 2, I wanted my rest time in my room. But once again, there was no binkie. Oh, the withdrawl was so painful that first day! I cried and cried. I searched in every garbage in the house looking for my binkies. But the garbage cans were all empty. I remembered watching Mommy take out the trash and felt very sad.

In the afternoon, Mommy said we were going on a road trip in the car. (I’ll tell you about our trip later.) We would be driving to a big hotel with a big big bed just for me! I was so excited, and I helped Mommy pack the bags. Daddy started driving the car and it took about 20 minutes to realize that when I asked for my binkie, Mommy wouldn’t give it to me. I screamed for hours, and I would only calm down when Mommy was telling me stories. I can’t tell you how sad it made me to know I would not have my binkie. I think I fell asleep in sheer exhaustion.

Tuesday was a busy, busy day. I didn’t bother to ask for my binkie because I knew Mommy didn’t have it. Besides there was so much to see. There were barns full of cows and roosters and horses and lions, and I liked to make all their noises. I saw old houses with interesting things to look at. I played games. I saw pictures of Joseph Smith and Jesus. I looked around at everything new. It was only when the sun went down that I thought of the binkie again. Mommy and I were walking around the Temple — it was so pretty — and Daddy was taking pictures. Mommy said we’d be going back to the big hotel with the big big bed and we’d get some sleep. I was sleepy! I asked Mommy then, but I knew the answer: “But my binkie?” She said, again, that there was no binkie. I suppose it didn’t matter. I was so sleepy. I fell asleep in the car again.

Wednesday was another busy busy day with lots of new things. It was when were driving home and I could tell the sun was going down that I started asking for my binkie again. I knew it wasn’t coming, but I was so bored and so sleepy, I couldn’t help asking. Mommy did not feed my addiction.

Thursday was a hard night. The day was fine; I never mentioned my binkie because there was no point. But when Mommy put me in bed at 7:30, I could not sleep. I was in my own room and in my own bed, and the binkie is such a part of my routine that it was hard to do without it.  I kept bouncing down to talk to Mommy and Daddy who were watching a movie. I didn’t go to sleep until after 10.

Last night was the same. I cried and cried and cried. I pleaded. I whined. I pulled Mommy’s hand. It was probably 9:30 before I got to sleep. I was just so uncomfortable and sad. I know Mommy’s insistence that there is no more binkie is true, but it doesn’t make the withdrawl any less painful. My question now is: how long will it be before I can go to sleep without feeling so sad, without the craving for the binkie?

I know I am a big boy, but I’m glad I can tell you all the hardships of being a big boy. Habits are hard to break, and this addiction, particularly, has been hard since I’m nearly three years old. Three years is a long time to have a bad habit!